A little story from America, via Japanese tv.


Japanese tv is renowned for having ridiculous game shows and crazy commercials. But that's only a small part of what is on. Japanese tv also has lots of programs about life outside Japan. Part of the reason for this is that many Japanese know surprisingly little about what goes on outside their country (other than what they see in movies and on tv shows). Ask a Japanese person to point out Japan on a world map and they could probably do it. Ask them to point out Australia, maybe 50% could do it. Ask them to point out somewhere like Egypt or Vietnam and I reckon about 5% could do it. For some reason, possibly inadequate schooling, they just don't know about the world.

So, for this reason, tv shows that show life in other countries are surprisingly popular. One popular program shows 'unbelievable' stories from around the world. For example, people falling from great heights and surviving, people involved in kidnappings, people with ten wives, people giving birth to lots of babies etc. Normally I don't watch these shows, but last night I was sucked in by an interesting story from America. It goes like this:

A woman (let's call her Jane) and a man (let's call him Walter) have just given birth to twins. Everything is great except for one thing. Jane and Walter aren't married. In fact, Jane is married to another guy (let's call him Rudiger). Jane and Rudiger were married for a few years but things didn't work out, so Jane left him. Jane ran right into the arms of Walter, a student of hers at the business school she works at. Jane wanted a divorce but Rudiger, a lawyer, was stalling. Rudiger often rang up Jane to pester her about getting back together, but she was having none of it. Not long after the birth of the twins, Rudiger called up Jane and they got into a fight. Walter grabbed the phone and told Rudiger to stop calling, sign the divorce and leave them and their new family alone. New family? Whoops. Rudiger didn't know about the twins, and when he finds out he gets pissed. End of conversation.

A few weeks later a letter arrives from Rudiger demanding a DNA test of the kids. Rudiger is sure that the kids are his. Jane and Walter had been together for quite a while before the kids were conceived, so they are both certain that the kids are Walter's. However, Rudiger is a real pest, so they decide to go and get the test done just to shut him up once and for all. They take the babies (let's call them Rod and Todd) to the hospital where they are all swabbed and tested. The doctor tells them that the results will be back in a few days.

Can anyone see where this story is going?

So, a few days later they call up the hospital to ask for the results. They talk to the doctor who explains that there was a slight problem with the test and in had to be redone, so the results will take a little more time. So, a week later they call up again. The doctor again says there were some irregularities, so the tests are being redone. Finally, a week or so later the doctor calls up Jane and Walter and asks them to come in to the hospital.

Worked it out yet?

Jane and Walter come in and sit down with the doctor. He looks nervous. "I don't know how to tell you this", he says, "so I'll just show you the results". He takes one piece of paper marked 'Rod' and hands is to Walter and Jane. They skim read all the technical details and when they reach the bottom there is a highlighted sentence. "DNA match probability: 99.99%". Whew! Both Walter and Jane breathe a big sigh of relief. "I knew it!" says Walter, a big smile crossing his face.

"Hang on...." says the doctor, handing them page 2, which is marked 'Todd'. Once again they skim read the details and when they come to the bottom there is a highlighted sentence reading "DNA match probability: 0%".

"WHAT THE F'&%('&%'(&!" screams Walter.

(at this point I'm almost choking on my dinner from laughing so much...)

The doctor speaks up. "Yes, it's true. We redid the tests a number of times. The results are certain. Rod is your son, but Todd isn't."

Walter is shocked. "How is this possible? They're twins!"

The doctor shrugs. Then he looks at Jane. "Is there anything you'd like to tell us?" Jane looks very, very guilty.

(cue a flashback)

About ten months ago we see Jane in bed with Walter having a bit of a morning wrestle. After it's finished, Jane tells Walter that she's going to see Rudiger to get him to sign the divorce. Walter is concerned, but Jane tells him there is nothing to worry about. Jane goes back to their house (which she hadn't been to since leaving Rudiger). Rudiger, a smooth guy, has put up new pictures of all their special moments together. Jane is overcome with all the good memories from their relationship and from being in their house once again. Smooth Rudiger tries sweet talking Jane into getting back together.

"Come on baby! I miss you so bad! I'm still so hot for you.... oh yeah....."

(cut to 8 minutes later)

"We shouldn't have done that" says Jane, putting her clothes back on. "That's it. It's over. I'm never coming back. Accept it."

(back to the present)

Jane looks at Walter. "Um... there's something I have to tell you honey..."


So, it turns out that Jane produced two eggs that, by freak chance, were fertilised together. One by Walter, then one a little later by Rudiger. I certainly wouldn't want to be the one that has to explain it to the kids when they get older.