Before I continue, some other news.

I went to renew my Japanese drivers license yesterday. In Japan there are three levels for a regular car license. Green is the beginner's license. Blue is the regular license. Gold is the top license. I was given a Gold because I'm awesome!! (actually it was because I've had my license for 5 years and haven't had any accidents or violations). Having a Gold license gives you 2 major benefits. First, you get discounted car insurance. Second, when you renew you license, you only have to sit through a 30 minute safety lecture. When you get your license for the first time, or when you renew a blue or green one, you have to sit through a one or two hour safety lecture. Unfortunately, the guy who was giving our lecture forgot that it was a Gold lecture and spoke for about 50 minutes before another staff member came and reminded him it was only 30 minutes. He was very apologetic, but that extra 20 minutes felt like about 2 hours (it's a very, very boring lecture).

Last summer, I went to my friend's bar in Kushiro, and at the bar I was introduced to something called 'Dave's Insanity Sauce'. When it was created a few years back, it was the hottest hot sauce ever. It was so hot that it became the only hot sauce ever to be banned from the American National Fiery Foods Show. Since then, a few other 'super special reserve' hotter sauces have been created, but this is the original 'hottest sauce in the universe'. To give you an idea of the heat of this sauce, Tabasco sauce is rated at 2500 to 5000 SU (Scoville Units, the units used for measuring the hotness of a chili), while Dave's Insanity Sauce is rated at about 180,000 SU. Yes, it's pretty hot. I tried a drop of it on the end of a toothpick. At first it was ok, but the heat just builds and builds until you start choking. As it gets hotter, you start salivating more, but your saliva is like acid. It really is an interesting experience, as exhibited by the numerous videos on Youtube. If you search for Dave's Insanity Sauce on Youtube, you'll see what I'm talking about. If you videotape someone trying regular hot sauce, they might make a face, cry out, put on a bit of an act, then it's over. Sure, it's hot, but they still have enough bodily control to perform a little for the camera. Dave's is different. It is so hot that you can't perform for the camera. Your brain basically just shuts down, and all you want to do is to crawl into a little ball and wish for it all to stop. Here's a good example of someone trying Dave's - it's not particularly funny, it's just a good example of a 'oh my God, what the hell have I done' reaction. Notice how he starts off pumped up, then it slowly starts to build. He starts thinking 'Oh, this isn't so bad', then it just keeps on getting hotter and hotter.

Last week was my last class with this year's graduating high school class. They have all of February off, then they graduate in March. They were a great class. There were 16 boys and 1 girl in that class, so it was a very 'boyish' class. Anyway, I told them about my Dave's experience and they were all very interested. So as a surprise for their final class, I ordered some Dave's from the internet. About eight of the boys tried it (just a tiny bit on the end of a toothpick) and the results were predictably hilarious. One of the guys even went back for more at lunch time and, predictably, suffered for the rest of the afternoon. Heh, heh... I like working in a place where I can do this kind of thing.

Back to the travel report.

DAY 2

- Today was the first time I got royally shafted by an immigration douchebag.
- Today was the first time I wanted to punch an immigration douchebag.
- Today was the first time I didn't punch an immigration douchebag, but will if I ever see him again.

At 8:00AM, after getting a total of about 90 minutes sleep, I was woken up by the builders working at the construction site just outside my window.


Great.

I decided it would be useless to try and sleep more, so I packed up and got the hell out of there. I didn't really have a plan for the morning, but I had to be on a bus to Kuala Lumpur at about 3:00PM. I decided to get something to eat, so I headed towards the Orchard Road shopping area.



I remembered a decent indoor hawker center that I visited last time I was in Singapore, so I decided to go there for brunch. I had a delicious plate of Char Kway Teow (something you can't get in Japan) and then wandered round some shops for a while. I then headed off to the general area in which I would board my bus. I was much to early for the bus, so I spent about 2 hours wandering around that area. After a while I got tired, so I stopped off and had a rest in a pagoda in the Indonesian Heritage Museum. It was very peaceful and there were very few people around.



The museum is right next to a huge mosque, and while I was resting the prayer time music started playing over a loud speaker.


I know very little about the Islamic religion, but I have to say that their prayer music is very, very relaxing to listen to. I managed to get about 30 minutes of snooze time before I started back to the place I had to catch the bus. When I arrived there I still had spare time, so I had another noodle meal at a hawker restaurant there, grabbed some supplies from 7-11, waited some more, then left on the bus.

What happened next was undoubtedly the worst experience I had during my trip, and probably the most annoying and frustrating experience I have had travelling anywhere.

The bus was a fairly old 'limousine bus', but it had massive reclining seats that were not only extremely comfortable, but had incredible leg room. In fact, it was the first time since I became fully grown that I have been on bus, train or plane that had ample room. It was so good that I quickly fell asleep.

I was woken 30 minutes later when we arrived at the Singapore exit control. Everyone got off the bus, entered the immigration building, got signed and stamped and then the bus picked us up on the other side. The bus drove across the long bridge to the mainland, then drove for a few mor kms before we arrived at the Malaysia entry control. Everyone got off again, this time with bags, and the procedure was basically the same - go through immigration, customs, then pick up the bus on the other side. For me, however, it was not so simple.

I got my stuff and entered the building. There were about 15 booths but only two were being used. Everyone lined up to show their documents and I was the last one in my line. After a few minutes it was my turn, so I showed my passport and immigration card. The guy asked the usual questions (travelling alone? onward travel? got a hotel? etc.) and I answered them all. He seemed to be going much more slowly we me than he had with the others (I was the only white guy out of about 30 passengers, by the way). Finally, when everybody else had passed through and it was just me, him and the other immigration guy he asked me whether I had sufficient funds to support myself. I said yes, then he asked me how much ringgit I was taking into Malaysia. I told him that I didn't have any ringgit as I was just entering the country, but I had other cash and a credit card. He then told me that there is a rule that to enter Malaysia you have to have at least 1000 ringgit, and that if I didn't have any ringgit I wouldn't be allowed into the country.

It was about now that it all clicked. I had been set up to be shafted by this immigration dickhead.
I was expecting something like this in Cambodia or Vietnam maybe, but not here. All the questions I had been asked, which were all the usual questions asked when you enter a country, where just the sort of questions that gave this guy information about how 'shaftable' I was. I was travelling alone, I had accommodation in KL for that night (which meant I had to get to KL or I would have a real problem) and I had plenty of cash.

I argued with him that there is no such rule about bringing ringgit into Malaysia (of course, there isn't a rule like that) and that it was completely illogical. He gave me back my immigration card and told me to fill in how much cash I was carrying on the departure card. WTF? I was entering the country, how was I supposed to know how much I would be carrying when I exited the country. I refused, and the guy gave me back my card and passport and said I couldn't enter Malaysia. We had a standoff for a few minutes, and when he wasn't going to budge I filled in the form. I had X amount of $US, JPY and $SIN.

He looked at the form, looked at his buddy, looked back at the form and said, "Well, I could get fired for this, but seeing as it's Christmas, I'll help you out. If you give me (insert secret amount here), I'll let you through."

Great. We argued more, and then finally, to make a long story short, we worked out a number and I was able to enter Malaysia. It wasn't a huge amount, but it wasn't spare change either. The guy even said 'Merry Christmas' to me as I passed through, which pissed me off even more.

A few things about this experience:

1) The guy was a dickhead and was not representative of all Malaysians, but the impression he made on me made me dislike and distrust Malaysia and Malaysians for the duration of my trip.

2) The design of the immigration center there is screwed. There were two guys, no other people in authority, no people to complain to, just the guys. In fact, there were no other people there period.

3) I was also in a situation where I had to get the bus on the other side or I would be stuck in no man's land between Malaysia and Singapore. Also, if I returned to Singapore I would have nowhere to stay.

4) In hindsight, if I had really, really kicked up a fuss and started shouting and running crazy he probably would have given up and let me through. However, I was exhausted and there was a busload of people waiting for me, so I gave up.

Basically, it was a shitty situation, but it was probably a small price to pay for the experience (the next person who tries it on me is going to be in for a surprise).

So, I got back on the bus and I was pissed off to the point that I couldn't sleep. The drive to KL was on the highway the whole way so there wasn't much to see. We stopped off at a service area for half an hour so that people could eat and toilet. I wasn't hungry so I just wandered around for a while. The service area was a good reminder of the some of the differences between Singapore and Malaysia. It was dirty, everything was very cheap, and there were about 50 stray dogs hanging around. That's basically Malaysia in a nutshell.

Everyone got back on the bus and we headed off to KL. We stopped of for petrol at a gas station, then about 10 minutes later we stopped off for more petrol (I have no idea why we stopped twice). Along the way it started to rain heavily, but as we drove into KL the rain stopped. Actually, one of the best things about my trip was the weather. Over three weeks it only rained four times: once while I was on the bus, twice at night while I was in my hotel in Siem Riep, and once for about 20 minutes in Vietnam. The rest of the time was dry and warm.

At around 9:00PM we arrived in KL, and at about 10:00PM we still hadn't arrived at the bus station as the traffic was horrible. It was so bad that everyone got off the bus when it became clear that we might never arrive at the bus station. I grabbed my bag and headed away from the traffic jam to find a taxi. After about 10 minutes (after stopping at an ATM to get some ringgit - SCREW YOU IMMIGRATION DICKHEAD!!), I found a quiet area to get a taxi. I showed the driver the address of my hotel, asked if he could take me there, he said 'yeah, of course' and we drove off. After about 10 minutes it became clear that he didn't know where the hotel was, though he did have a vague idea of which part of KL it was in. After a while we pulled up outside another hotel. "This isn't my hotel", I said. He said, "Yeah, I know. I'm going in to ask for directions."

Ten minutes later he came back with a little more of an idea where my hotel was. I would have done a runner during that 10 minutes but he had taken my hotel voucher (with the address on it) with him to ask for directions. So, we drove round for another ten minutes before he stopped again to ask for directions. While he was asking someone in a shop, I spotted my hotel in the distance and told the driver. Admittedly, the hotel was in a very hard place to find. It was right in the middle of a market, with very little access for cars. Also, the hotel had recently changed names, so that was another reason why nobody knew where it was.

I arrived at about 11:00PM and considered going out for food, but decided to treat myself to room service instead. One of the good things about KL is that it has the cheapest 3,4 and 5 star hotels in the world, so I could afford to stay in a reasonable hotel and still keep to a tight budget. I ordered fish and chips (oh, yes, baby...) and it was surprisingly good (and cheap). After dinner I fell asleep hoping that the next day would be better than this one.

(And of course it was. In fact, the events of Day 1 and Day 2 were the last negative experiences I had on my trip. The rest of the trip was much better.)