I spent two days and three nights in KL. It was my second time there, so I already had a pretty good idea of what the city has to offer. It's a strange city. There is a good mix of Malaysian, Chinese and Indian culture, so the people, food and sights are interesting. Having said that, there's something about the city that makes it... well... a little boring. I don't really know what it is, but there is something.

I spent most of my second day just wandering around the city, walking the back streets, eating some nice food (including a great chicken pie... it had been ages since I'd had a real pie), doing some window shopping and basically just watching the Kuala Lumpurs going about their daily life. There wasn't anything particularly interesting to write about, so I'll just mention some random things.

Just outside my hotel there was a wet market. I was walking through it in the evening and the shopkeepers were 'cleaning up' for the day. Basically, they just swept all the trash, rotting fruit, rotting meat and food scraps into a big pile and then it got taken away in a dumpster. There were rats and cats all over the place looking for a free meal. Some of the rats were bigger than the cats, but they all seemed to be pretty friendly.

The public transport system in KL looks good on a map, but it's not really that great. Taxis are cheap and fast (as long as the driver knows where he is going), but the train and monorail system could be better. There are a number of monorail and train lines that criss-cross the city, but they don't really connect well. It's hard to change from one line to another. I was staying in a hotel very close to a monorail station. Fortunately, that line passed through the Golden Triangle, the main shopping and entertainment area in KL. But some of the other areas like Chinatown and Little India were not on my line, so they were very hard to get to. Another thing, tickets are still sold by people in a ticket office. There are no automatic ticket machines, which is a little 20th century. The monorail carriages were surprisingly small, which meant that lots of people couldn't get on during peak hour, but on the plus side they were nicely airconditioned.

One night I was walking back to my hotel through the wet market, which had closed for the day. It was very dark, and had it been another city it would have been a pretty dangerous place to be walking alone at night. But KL is a very, very safe city (I think...). Anyway, I was wandering along and as I walked passed a dark doorway I heard a noise. I looked into the doorway, which was pitch black, and couldn't see anything. Suddenly, two eyes appeared floating in the air. They looked at me for a second and then diappeared. It was kind of like Alice in Wonderland, where that cat appears and disappears in parts. After the eyes had disappeared I looked a little harder and noticed there was an Indian guy sleeping in the doorway. This guy had really , really dark skin which had helped him blend in to the night. When I walked passed I had disturbed his sleep so he had opened his eyes. It was a wierd experience, kind of hard to explain. I guess you had to be there.

One night I visited Chinatown and its dodgy night market. Last time I was in KL I went there and I think I probably got some pirated CDs or something. This time I was surprised at how much the market had changed. It was about 4 times bigger and they had built a big roof over the streets so that people can conduct their dodgy business even if the weather is bad. I remember the first time I went to SE Asia (Thailand) and went to a dodgy market. I was in awe at all the cheap stuff - pirated movies, fake watches and handbags, copied clothes etc. Now I really dislike those sort of places. Hundreds of foreigners crammed into a tiny space getting excited about their $10 Bolex watch, their new pink polo shirt or their 'genuine' Louis Vuitton purse. I can understand why people would get exicited in a place like that, but when I go there I look around and there is not a single thing that excites me (except for the food... sometimes you can find some good food at these kinds of markets). Ten years ago I would have been buying as much as I could, but now I wouldn't take any of their crap if they were giving it away for free. I think I spent about 15 minutes in the night market before I called it a night and went looking for dinner.

One of the goals of my trip was to eat as much 'you can't get this in Japan' food as I could. This included both traditional SE Asian foods as well as other western foods that people at home may take for granted, but I just can't get in Japan. One evening I was hungry and I walked past a Wendy's restaurant (the American burger chain not the Australian ice-cream chain). I'd never eaten Wendy's before and I had been eating Asian all day, so I figured I'd give it a try. During the meal, it suddenly began to make sense why many Americans are HUGE. I ordered a large double cheeseburger meal (or something like that). The meal had enough fries and coke to feed about 8 people, and the burger was literally sweating grease from its mysterious meat patties and oddly coloured cheese. The meal was an experience in itself and the taste ... well, it tasted like America.

I arrived back at my hotel one evening to find the lobby packed with about 200 people. Apparently there was a wedding on that evening. The reception was taking place on the top floor of the 18 story hotel. There were three very slow lifts ferrying people from the ground floor up to the top, where they would pay their respects to the couple. Then the lift would be filled again and bring people back down to the lobby. Each round trip took about 3 or 4 minutes - the lift would arrive, it would empty out, it would be packed again, the overweight buzzer would ring, one by one people would get out until the buzzer stopped ringing, the lift would depart and the process would be repeated over and over. It was a strange procession. I was actually surprised at how no one seemed to be complaining. In most other countries people would be complaining out loud at having to wait half an hour for a lift, but these people just seemed to be enjoying themselves. I ended up waiting for about 25 minutes before finally getting a ride to my floor. I would have taken the stairs, but my room was on the 17th floor and I'd had enough walking for the day. Oh yeah, my room was on the 17th floor right under the reception, so that kept me awake most of the night, which was very unpleasant. But, it had a nice view.



I guess that one of the main problems with KL is that there aren't many tourist attractions. There's the Petronas Towers and the Batu Caves and ... um ... Chinatown ... and some shopping centers and um ... yeah. Last time I was in KL I spent about 3 days there and didn't visit any tourist attractions. This time I managed to get to the Batu Caves, which was actually pretty good. The Batu Caves are a Hindu shrine located about 15 kms from the KL city centre. KL was built on what was basically a swamp (KL means 'muddy confluence' - there's some nice Lonely Planetesque info for you), so the city is flat. However, there is one limestone rock formation i the middle of all this, and that's where the Batu Caves are.

From Wiki: The cave is one of the most popular Hindu shrines outside India, dedicated to Lord Murugan. It is the focal point of Hindu festival of Thaipusam in Malaysia which attracts over 1.5 million pilgrims yearly, making it one of the largest annual gatherings in the world.

I was surprsied after reading this. I thought Murugan was a lady.


I even tried to look up her (I mean his) dress.


Hindu has some pretty weird gods. Look at that fat hairy guy on the right.


These people pray at the altar, light their candle, then do some laps of the temple.


To get to the caves you have to climb a big flight of stairs.



Apparently, nobody has ever fallen down the stairs (somehow, I don't believe that...). As with all journeys, you start with the first step.


Halfway up, you get to meet some monkeys. I like monkeys. Monkeys are great. In fact, if I travel to SE Asia and don't see monkeys I get upset. These monkeys are blessed monkeys, so it's a good idea to feed them. This monkey just hangs out here all day playing with his balls and getting fed by tourists. Sounds like a good life to me.


Finally, with thighs burning, you arrive at the top.




There are some altars and temples.

And more monkeys!




This boy tried to hand feed the monkey. A split second after this shot the monkey jumped on to the boy, clawed his eyes out and slashed off his face. I missed that shot.


Nice view of KL.


So, that was basically it for KL.

On the fourth day, I woke up at 4:45 in the morning (yes, that's not a typing mistake) to take a taxi to the airport. I had a 7:00 flight to Siem Riep which meant I had to be at the airport no later than 6:15. I was using a budget airline for the first time, which meant I had to go to the budget terminal (which is further from the city than KLIA). On a regular day, this trip can take anywhere from 1 to 2 hours depending on traffic. My taxi arrived at 5:00am. I confirmed the cost with the driver (the hotel lady had told me what the usual set fee was). Late night/early morning surchage and airport surcharge meant that it was a little expensive, but still quite affordable. The driver quoted me the same fee, so I told him that if he got me there before 6:15 it would be fine. 'No problem', he said. The first 5 minutes or so travelling through the city were at a fairly leisurly pace. However, as soon as we hit the freeway this guy went nuts. There was almost no traffic at this time of the morning, the freeway was about 6 lanes wide, and the only time we weren't travelling at 120+ km/h was when we were going through roundabouts. We arrived at the aiport at around 5:45 if I remember correctly. Well worth the money. I even had time to get some breakfast.

As I mentioned, this was the first time I had used a budget airline and the first time I had used a budget terminal. I was a little surprised at how budget it actually is. More like a bus station than an airport. Despite the appearance, it was actually a fairly hassle free process. Check in, get your little paper receipt, go through immigration, get x-rayed and felt up by security, then try and find a seat in the cattle yard-like waiting area. When it's time to get on your plane the 'special class' people get to go first (ie. the people who paid $5 extra so they could go first), then, a few minutes later the peasants get to go. You march out on to the tarmac, have to dodge various airport cars and trucks, and get ushered to the plane (which was a good 5 minutes walk for us). There are no seating reservations, so it's a free for all once you're on board. No food or drinks either. No tv or music, but there is a free airline magazine (the crossword had already been filled out). Apart from these little annoyances, it was a pretty decent flight. Considering that KL to Siem Riep is only 2 hours, and the ticket cost about 1/4 of what a regular flight would cost, it was well worth it and I would fly budget again (and I did, actually).

Next, Cambodia.

Before I continue, some other news.

I went to renew my Japanese drivers license yesterday. In Japan there are three levels for a regular car license. Green is the beginner's license. Blue is the regular license. Gold is the top license. I was given a Gold because I'm awesome!! (actually it was because I've had my license for 5 years and haven't had any accidents or violations). Having a Gold license gives you 2 major benefits. First, you get discounted car insurance. Second, when you renew you license, you only have to sit through a 30 minute safety lecture. When you get your license for the first time, or when you renew a blue or green one, you have to sit through a one or two hour safety lecture. Unfortunately, the guy who was giving our lecture forgot that it was a Gold lecture and spoke for about 50 minutes before another staff member came and reminded him it was only 30 minutes. He was very apologetic, but that extra 20 minutes felt like about 2 hours (it's a very, very boring lecture).

Last summer, I went to my friend's bar in Kushiro, and at the bar I was introduced to something called 'Dave's Insanity Sauce'. When it was created a few years back, it was the hottest hot sauce ever. It was so hot that it became the only hot sauce ever to be banned from the American National Fiery Foods Show. Since then, a few other 'super special reserve' hotter sauces have been created, but this is the original 'hottest sauce in the universe'. To give you an idea of the heat of this sauce, Tabasco sauce is rated at 2500 to 5000 SU (Scoville Units, the units used for measuring the hotness of a chili), while Dave's Insanity Sauce is rated at about 180,000 SU. Yes, it's pretty hot. I tried a drop of it on the end of a toothpick. At first it was ok, but the heat just builds and builds until you start choking. As it gets hotter, you start salivating more, but your saliva is like acid. It really is an interesting experience, as exhibited by the numerous videos on Youtube. If you search for Dave's Insanity Sauce on Youtube, you'll see what I'm talking about. If you videotape someone trying regular hot sauce, they might make a face, cry out, put on a bit of an act, then it's over. Sure, it's hot, but they still have enough bodily control to perform a little for the camera. Dave's is different. It is so hot that you can't perform for the camera. Your brain basically just shuts down, and all you want to do is to crawl into a little ball and wish for it all to stop. Here's a good example of someone trying Dave's - it's not particularly funny, it's just a good example of a 'oh my God, what the hell have I done' reaction. Notice how he starts off pumped up, then it slowly starts to build. He starts thinking 'Oh, this isn't so bad', then it just keeps on getting hotter and hotter.

Last week was my last class with this year's graduating high school class. They have all of February off, then they graduate in March. They were a great class. There were 16 boys and 1 girl in that class, so it was a very 'boyish' class. Anyway, I told them about my Dave's experience and they were all very interested. So as a surprise for their final class, I ordered some Dave's from the internet. About eight of the boys tried it (just a tiny bit on the end of a toothpick) and the results were predictably hilarious. One of the guys even went back for more at lunch time and, predictably, suffered for the rest of the afternoon. Heh, heh... I like working in a place where I can do this kind of thing.

Back to the travel report.

DAY 2

- Today was the first time I got royally shafted by an immigration douchebag.
- Today was the first time I wanted to punch an immigration douchebag.
- Today was the first time I didn't punch an immigration douchebag, but will if I ever see him again.

At 8:00AM, after getting a total of about 90 minutes sleep, I was woken up by the builders working at the construction site just outside my window.


Great.

I decided it would be useless to try and sleep more, so I packed up and got the hell out of there. I didn't really have a plan for the morning, but I had to be on a bus to Kuala Lumpur at about 3:00PM. I decided to get something to eat, so I headed towards the Orchard Road shopping area.



I remembered a decent indoor hawker center that I visited last time I was in Singapore, so I decided to go there for brunch. I had a delicious plate of Char Kway Teow (something you can't get in Japan) and then wandered round some shops for a while. I then headed off to the general area in which I would board my bus. I was much to early for the bus, so I spent about 2 hours wandering around that area. After a while I got tired, so I stopped off and had a rest in a pagoda in the Indonesian Heritage Museum. It was very peaceful and there were very few people around.



The museum is right next to a huge mosque, and while I was resting the prayer time music started playing over a loud speaker.


I know very little about the Islamic religion, but I have to say that their prayer music is very, very relaxing to listen to. I managed to get about 30 minutes of snooze time before I started back to the place I had to catch the bus. When I arrived there I still had spare time, so I had another noodle meal at a hawker restaurant there, grabbed some supplies from 7-11, waited some more, then left on the bus.

What happened next was undoubtedly the worst experience I had during my trip, and probably the most annoying and frustrating experience I have had travelling anywhere.

The bus was a fairly old 'limousine bus', but it had massive reclining seats that were not only extremely comfortable, but had incredible leg room. In fact, it was the first time since I became fully grown that I have been on bus, train or plane that had ample room. It was so good that I quickly fell asleep.

I was woken 30 minutes later when we arrived at the Singapore exit control. Everyone got off the bus, entered the immigration building, got signed and stamped and then the bus picked us up on the other side. The bus drove across the long bridge to the mainland, then drove for a few mor kms before we arrived at the Malaysia entry control. Everyone got off again, this time with bags, and the procedure was basically the same - go through immigration, customs, then pick up the bus on the other side. For me, however, it was not so simple.

I got my stuff and entered the building. There were about 15 booths but only two were being used. Everyone lined up to show their documents and I was the last one in my line. After a few minutes it was my turn, so I showed my passport and immigration card. The guy asked the usual questions (travelling alone? onward travel? got a hotel? etc.) and I answered them all. He seemed to be going much more slowly we me than he had with the others (I was the only white guy out of about 30 passengers, by the way). Finally, when everybody else had passed through and it was just me, him and the other immigration guy he asked me whether I had sufficient funds to support myself. I said yes, then he asked me how much ringgit I was taking into Malaysia. I told him that I didn't have any ringgit as I was just entering the country, but I had other cash and a credit card. He then told me that there is a rule that to enter Malaysia you have to have at least 1000 ringgit, and that if I didn't have any ringgit I wouldn't be allowed into the country.

It was about now that it all clicked. I had been set up to be shafted by this immigration dickhead.
I was expecting something like this in Cambodia or Vietnam maybe, but not here. All the questions I had been asked, which were all the usual questions asked when you enter a country, where just the sort of questions that gave this guy information about how 'shaftable' I was. I was travelling alone, I had accommodation in KL for that night (which meant I had to get to KL or I would have a real problem) and I had plenty of cash.

I argued with him that there is no such rule about bringing ringgit into Malaysia (of course, there isn't a rule like that) and that it was completely illogical. He gave me back my immigration card and told me to fill in how much cash I was carrying on the departure card. WTF? I was entering the country, how was I supposed to know how much I would be carrying when I exited the country. I refused, and the guy gave me back my card and passport and said I couldn't enter Malaysia. We had a standoff for a few minutes, and when he wasn't going to budge I filled in the form. I had X amount of $US, JPY and $SIN.

He looked at the form, looked at his buddy, looked back at the form and said, "Well, I could get fired for this, but seeing as it's Christmas, I'll help you out. If you give me (insert secret amount here), I'll let you through."

Great. We argued more, and then finally, to make a long story short, we worked out a number and I was able to enter Malaysia. It wasn't a huge amount, but it wasn't spare change either. The guy even said 'Merry Christmas' to me as I passed through, which pissed me off even more.

A few things about this experience:

1) The guy was a dickhead and was not representative of all Malaysians, but the impression he made on me made me dislike and distrust Malaysia and Malaysians for the duration of my trip.

2) The design of the immigration center there is screwed. There were two guys, no other people in authority, no people to complain to, just the guys. In fact, there were no other people there period.

3) I was also in a situation where I had to get the bus on the other side or I would be stuck in no man's land between Malaysia and Singapore. Also, if I returned to Singapore I would have nowhere to stay.

4) In hindsight, if I had really, really kicked up a fuss and started shouting and running crazy he probably would have given up and let me through. However, I was exhausted and there was a busload of people waiting for me, so I gave up.

Basically, it was a shitty situation, but it was probably a small price to pay for the experience (the next person who tries it on me is going to be in for a surprise).

So, I got back on the bus and I was pissed off to the point that I couldn't sleep. The drive to KL was on the highway the whole way so there wasn't much to see. We stopped off at a service area for half an hour so that people could eat and toilet. I wasn't hungry so I just wandered around for a while. The service area was a good reminder of the some of the differences between Singapore and Malaysia. It was dirty, everything was very cheap, and there were about 50 stray dogs hanging around. That's basically Malaysia in a nutshell.

Everyone got back on the bus and we headed off to KL. We stopped of for petrol at a gas station, then about 10 minutes later we stopped off for more petrol (I have no idea why we stopped twice). Along the way it started to rain heavily, but as we drove into KL the rain stopped. Actually, one of the best things about my trip was the weather. Over three weeks it only rained four times: once while I was on the bus, twice at night while I was in my hotel in Siem Riep, and once for about 20 minutes in Vietnam. The rest of the time was dry and warm.

At around 9:00PM we arrived in KL, and at about 10:00PM we still hadn't arrived at the bus station as the traffic was horrible. It was so bad that everyone got off the bus when it became clear that we might never arrive at the bus station. I grabbed my bag and headed away from the traffic jam to find a taxi. After about 10 minutes (after stopping at an ATM to get some ringgit - SCREW YOU IMMIGRATION DICKHEAD!!), I found a quiet area to get a taxi. I showed the driver the address of my hotel, asked if he could take me there, he said 'yeah, of course' and we drove off. After about 10 minutes it became clear that he didn't know where the hotel was, though he did have a vague idea of which part of KL it was in. After a while we pulled up outside another hotel. "This isn't my hotel", I said. He said, "Yeah, I know. I'm going in to ask for directions."

Ten minutes later he came back with a little more of an idea where my hotel was. I would have done a runner during that 10 minutes but he had taken my hotel voucher (with the address on it) with him to ask for directions. So, we drove round for another ten minutes before he stopped again to ask for directions. While he was asking someone in a shop, I spotted my hotel in the distance and told the driver. Admittedly, the hotel was in a very hard place to find. It was right in the middle of a market, with very little access for cars. Also, the hotel had recently changed names, so that was another reason why nobody knew where it was.

I arrived at about 11:00PM and considered going out for food, but decided to treat myself to room service instead. One of the good things about KL is that it has the cheapest 3,4 and 5 star hotels in the world, so I could afford to stay in a reasonable hotel and still keep to a tight budget. I ordered fish and chips (oh, yes, baby...) and it was surprisingly good (and cheap). After dinner I fell asleep hoping that the next day would be better than this one.

(And of course it was. In fact, the events of Day 1 and Day 2 were the last negative experiences I had on my trip. The rest of the trip was much better.)