If you are familiar with the Blackadder tv series, you'll know there's a running joke about Baldrick and his cunning plans. In the last episode of the series, there's a scene thats goes:

Baldrick: I have a plan, sir.

Blackadder: Really, Baldrick. A cunning and subtle one?

Baldrick: Yes, sir.

Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

Baldrick: Yes, sir.

I used to think this was pretty funny, but now I'm not so sure. We don't see many foxes in Melbourne, so the only real knowledge I had about foxes came from tv and books (such as Roald Dahl's Fantastic Mr. Fox). I don't know where this "cunning" reputation came from. However, one thing I do know is this: foxes are one of the dumbest animals I've ever seen.

I started thinking about foxes last week, after I almost hit one with my car. It was dusk, I was doing about 70 or 80 along a fairly open road, and a fox "walked" in front of my car. Yes, walked. It just ambled out onto the road, completely oblivious to me and everything else that was going on around it. Even as I screamed to a halt just a metre or so from the fox, it barely even looked at me. It just wandered across the road and into the bushes.

After this incident, I started noticing more foxes. I assume they are appearing because the weather is changing. The snow is melting and the days are warmer.

In the last week I've seen about 5 or 6 of them wandering around (always wandering slowly, never running). One day, I happened to have my camera with me when I saw a fox sitting in the middle of a field enjoying the midday sun. Again, this fox was completely oblivious to everything that was going on around it.


Why are foxes so dumb? Cats, dogs (well, most dogs) , birds, and even deer have a basic idea that the road is a dangerous place to be. Most of these animals seem to recognise that cars are bad, so if one is coming they should get out of the way. They also realise that if they need to cross the road it's a good idea to hurry across. However, from what I have seen, foxes don't have this skill. When foxes cross the road, they cross at their own pace. When cars come, they completely ignore them. In fact, a few times I have seen foxes walking down the middle of the road. Once was in my town. The fox was wandering down the middle of the main street, completely oblivious to the cars and trucks that were passing by. The other time was on a main road in the mountains. It was near a famous gorge, so there was a lot of tourist traffic. The fox wandered into the middle of the road, sat down and started to take a nap. Needless to say, the passing drivers were not too impressed.

Anyway, the point of this blog entry was to let everyone who doesn't regularly see foxes know the truth. Foxes are dumb.

This is just my opinion, so don't get upset if you disagree. Parents who give their children bad names don't deserve to be parents. Instead, they should be stripped naked and marched down the main street of their town, while being pelted with rotten fruit and vegetables. Maybe then they'll have some idea of the years and years of embarrassment and ridicule their children will have to face, simply because they thought it would be a good idea to give their child an "orignal" name. No, no, no!

This little tirade was brought on by an article I read about a Swedish family naming their daughter "Metallica". In my opinion, part of the responsibility of being a parent is bringing your child up with as many opportunities as possible. The role of the parent is to help and guide children as they grow up and become adults, not to force them into a certain lifestyle. They should have as many opportunities as possible to choose their own path.

Naming your kid "Metallica" really takes away a lot of those opportunities. I mean, who would want to go to a hospital to see Dr. Metallica? Would you want your six year old child to be taught by Mrs. Metallica? If you got arrested, would you ask for a lawyer from Metallica and associates?

The problem is that names carry images. Whether or not those images are accurate doesn't really matter. The fact is that names influence the way we imagine people we've never met. Dr. Metallica may be the nicest, most respected, most distinguished doctor in the whole world, but I would still be concerned about having her perform brain surgery on me.

So, in an effort to rectify this problem, I put together some rules for naming your child.

1) One of the the most obvious rules. Don't repeat names. John Johnson, William Williams, Pat Patrick. No.

2) Don't use names of infamous people. Adolf might have been a common European name in the past, but these days it's a big no-no. "This is my baby Adolf" just doesn't work. On the other hand, don't use names of people who are too famous. If your surname is Jordan, don't call your son Michael. If your son ever takes up basketball, the expectations everyone will have will be too high.

3) Being a celebrity doesn't give you the right to pick any old random set of words to use as names. Your child will be unique enough simply by having a famous parent. They don't need a unique name too. Some real world examples of celebrity baby names: Moon Unit, Moxie Crimefighter, Zowie Bowie, Satchel, Audio Science and (the number 1......) Pilot Inspektor.

4) Consider initials as well as names. Alice Sophia Smith, Francis Andrew Thompson and Patricia Olive Oswald might seem like ok names at first...

5) Avoid names that are easy to rhyme. Kids will have a hard time at school when they are always referred to as "Little Lou who smells like poo" or "Fancy Lance who wet his pants".

6) This one is so obvious I probably don't even have to write it. If you give your child a pornstar name, they're going to grow up to be a pornstar. Cherry Poppins, Summer Cummings, Randy Cox, Buck Naked etc.

7) A name might sound fine when it comes before the surname, but consider how the name will sound during roll call. For exampe, Lester Moll and Ted Farr are names to avoid.

8) First names and surnames should be independent. They shouldn't be put together to make a "witty" word or phrase. Shandy Lear, Ray Piest, Coco Cole, Rose Bush, Holly Wood and Robin Banks are all a bog no-no.

To be continued...

After a few weeks of vacation (kind of), things are starting to get back to normal around here. Back to work, back to study and back to blogging. So, what's been happening?


Well, last month was interesting. The school year here starts in April, so March was full of graduation ceremonies for the students and farewell parties for the staff. Most of the schools I go to were busy with graduation and preparation for the new year, so I didn't have many classes scheduled. I probably had as many days off as I had working days. This was nice, as the previous few months had been busy. Some of my working days were taken up with graduation ceremonies and end of term ceremonies, so I actually did very little last month.

Graduation ceremonies in Japan are pretty much what you'd expect. There are speeches, the students are presented with certificates, everyone sings the school song and national anthem, and then the graduating students leave school for the last time. It's tradition for all the remaining students and teachers to line up at the school gate and individually farewell everyone as they leave. This is a nice tradition, but I'm pretty sure it was started by someone who doesn't live in Hokkiado. In March, spring has come to most of the country. Not here, as you can see in these photos:

It was very cold and very windy.

These are from the Horokanai junior high school graduation:

The last week or so of March and the first week of April were not technically a holiday for me, but I didn't have anything scheduled so I didn't have to go to work. However, I wasn't completely free. Over ten days, I had about 6 or 7 farewell parties scheduled. These parties are for farewelling teachers, principals and staff. At the end of the school year, many staff get transfered. It's a different system from Australia, I think, and one that is pretty crap (if you ask me). Generally, teachers can only spend about 3-5 years at one school before they are forced to transfer. Get this - they are only told they will be transfered a few weeks before the end of the school year, and they are only told where they will be going a week or two before the new school year starts. So, in the space of about a fortnight (if they are lucky), they have to complete all their school stuff, pack their things, move to a new place, organise all the stuff that's involved with moving house, and start a new job. Nasty...

The parties were usually held at THE local restaurant/drinking establishment (yes, there's only one). I think the staff there got sick of seeing my face after I showed up four nights in a row. Most people only have to go to one or two parties, but because I visit so many schools and I am affiliated with so many groups (such as the board of education), I have many, many events to attend. But, they are generally good fun (and hard on the liver). Usually, the first two hours consist of speeches and a nice banquet style dinner. After the first two hours, the "official" party is finished. People are then permitted to leave if they want to (but almost nobody does). From there, it's the "second party", which is the party that everyone is really looking forward to. That's when everyone relaxes, ties come off, drinks start flowing and the karaoke starts. It's amazing to watch the change in people. Most of the people I work with are fairly quiet at work. Everyone takes their job seriously and works hard. They are not boring people, but they are definitely "controlled". But when an event like this comes round, most of them go completely bananas. I saw some teachers (and one school principal... heh heh) who are usually very reserved get completely wasted and act like baboons. It was great!

During my kind-of-vacation, I managed to get 3 days in a row without any events to go to, so I took a drive to eastern Hokkaido. It was great to get away for a few days, but what was particularly exciting was to go somewhere with some decent weather (ie. not snow and frigid cold). While my town was still experiencing winter, eastern Hokkaido was experiencing spring. Nice... I like winter and I like snowboarding, but the winter here is ridiculously long and so I'm ready for summer. I spent a few days driving, taking photos and mucking around at night. It was ... refreshing. Some interesting (but not unusual) things I saw while driving were:

An eagle (lots of them around)

Some deer (lots of them too)

A nice lake (tempting, but a little too cold for swimming)

The sea (again, too cold for swimming)

Another eagle (this one was MASSIVE - the picture doesn't do it justice)

Two of the more unusual things I saw were:

The bus stop scarecrow dressed like a Frenchman (according to the sign he's there to scare off people who dump their garbage)...

...and WARNING!: cow cross a street (no comment)

Now I'm back at work. A few of the teachers I worked with last year have been transfered. In some schools my desk has been moved. There are a few new faces and names to remember. But, it's pretty much the same as before, which is fine by me.